I asked myself a question the other day, one that isn't always so easy to answer. Though it's a fairly simple question, I was still very pleased with myself when I answered it, and all without a hint of hesitance.
I asked myself what I am most confident about in my life, and my response was my writing.
Not the blog type of writing though, or the school induced writing either, but rather my fiction, the stories I've been coming up with and working on for some time now. I find myself attuned to simple things that I feel could be extraordinary if worded that right way, like the blandness or dislike of white walls, which led me to "I’ll walk into a fully furnished room and the walls will be white, not even off-white, just plain, old, infuriating white, and I’ll have this overtaking urge to take a thick black expo-marker and squeak words all over the surface. I want everyone to see how the walls are screaming." Or the way coat hangers can be shaped so eaisly, "the hangers being hastily dropped to the floor, and all the while I imagined them whipping into different shapes on their descent towards the hardwood. I saw white stars and hearts sifting through the air in slow motion, only to bend and break when they clattered noisily on the ground." Or the absence of color, "I’ve seen men give women lustful black roses, running children with the darkest cheeks, colorless and blended sunsets, all in shades of gray and white. My whole life is a no man’s land, seamless, a full-fledged gray area. "
And all of these things I see, the sounds I hear, even the abstract I can only feel, I find that I retain it all and find some way to transfer it into words, forming sentences, paragraphs, pages and pages of story.
I love it.
So when I say I am most confident about my writing, more confident of my writing than I am of my intelligence or humor or passion, I don't say so because I think it's the best, but rather because it's how I incorporate everything I know about life, and even some things I don't know, into something tangible. So when something happens, anything at all, good or bad or trivial or anything, I am sure that I can find some way to portray it with my words. And that's confidence for me. Knowing that no matter what I'll will always, always have this, always have writing to display everything and anything I couldn't have said or just explained myself.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
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